When I fell in love with Jeff I knew I’d never marry him. I was bad at it. Plus, Jeff and I had come together in such a lovely, natural way that to push our luck seemed too dangerous to me. It went something like this. We were friends for a while and had lots of laughs together at shared lunches and at work. I was going through a divorce and needed those laughs. Shortly after my divorce Jeff asked me to lunch, just the two of us. On the way back to work, driving that scenic route between Mattoon and Charleston, something shifted in the universe and I think we both recognized it immediately. We weren’t going to be just friends.
And so the improbable happened, the farm girl from Illinois and the city boy from Brooklyn fell in love. But the falling in love is the easy part, isn’t it? It’s the everyday that decides whether or not you’ll make it. Our everyday came with children, his in college and mine in grade school. I had to accept the unknown challenges of grown children that I did not raise and he had to be willing to do the known all over again and raise two more. But, the kids liked each other and we loved them all. Oddly, that part that seemed like it would be impossible flowed easily and before we knew it we turned into a family.
Fast forward two years. We’ve purchased a house together and we’re living together as a family but still…not married. It’s getting a little silly. I might be being a little ridiculous. I finally decide that if there is anyone on the face of the earth that can live with me, and that I can live with, it’s Jeff and that our family should be a “real” legal family. But, not without asking the kids which I must say they all thought was ridiculous. They all agree wondering what took so long. My brother, thinking Jeff was the hold out and fearing he will flee, wants to call a judge he knows immediately! We calm him down and the following April we fly off to Jamaica and—Bang! we’re finally married.
Why rush through the marriage story? Because I think weddings are like the Hollywood soundstage of life. All glitter, no substance. It may be fun but it’s fleeting. I don’t think that’s the love story. I think the love is in the laundry. I think the love is in the foot rub after a hard day. I think the love is in the comfort of settling into your shared bed and feeling at peace. I think the love is in not being able to imagine going through anything good or bad without your partner. I think the love is in arguing with someone and all the while longing to make up so that you can talk to your best friend again. I think the love is in your partner’s hand lightly resting on the small of your back and the feeling of comfort that brings.
I never thought I’d have these things yet they are now so familiar that I take them for granted. I simply cannot imagine living this life without Jeffrey Lynch. And that, is my valentine to Milton.
